Serving

A very good friend of mine wrote on her blog about serving, in particular about serving in care group through playing guitar for worship. So this post is basically a reply to that post telling about my experience with leading worship in care group.

To quote her, "I hear people talk all of the time how they love to serve, or want to serve. Myself being included in those people. But now when I have the chance to serve God with my talent, that He gave in the first place to use for His glory, I shy away from it. What a hypocrite I am!"
I was exactly the same.

Over the past few years I've had different attitudes/feelings/thoughts (whatever the word is I'm looking for) about playing guitar (leading worship) in my care group. When I was first asked to play & lead worship I was excited, nervous, and I hate to say it but prideful. I was excited that I'd get to play my guitar, which I hadn't played in a while, and it gave me a reason to play. I was nervous hoping I wouldn't mess up. And I was prideful because I was thinking about how everyone would get to hear "how good I was".

Well after a while I didn't get as many "good jobs" and such, but I still played. But over time I grew bored of leading and started to not wanting to do it. I had thought several times about quitting. But God kept me in there.

After a while God started working on my heart, changing my view, attitude, feelings, & thoughts. I had been reading my Bible and Bob Kauflin's blog and God started showing me how my heart was in the wrong place. Bob Kauflin had just been writing about leading worship and it's importance, and the right view of it. God totally changed my heart about leading worship. I started playing for Him and not for me. He gave me a love for leading others in worship and I no longer dreaded it or did it unwillingly. It became a time where I could use my God given talents to worship Him and help other's enter in to worship. God humbled me, and I'm glad He did!

I'm currently not leading worship in care group because we're having to look for another care group (our care group leader left), I miss leading worship. But now God has opened up the door for me to lead worship down in the children's ministry as part of the traveling band. Which is wonderful because at the end of last year God had given me a desire to help children, not just children but also orphans and others who are unfortunate. But that's a whole other post or more.

Also, here's a verse (among many) that's helped me out with that, and also here lately with work, Col 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as though you were working for the Lord and not for people. - Good New Bible
I just thought about what if whatever you did was really for and in the presence of God (well it is but, if you could see Him, and talk to Him directly). Wouldn't our whole attitude, zeal, and everything else be different than what it is now?

And to my friend, don't be nervous and worry about messing up. Remember who you're playing for. =) I've messed up plenty of times, and God still lets me keep my hands. =P

So I'm not sure if this was just a bunch of rambling or if I should have posted this, or if it will encourage or help anyone out or not................so until the next blog post, さよなら。(sayonara)

Why do I do?

Well let's see I'm happy, sad, mad & confused all at the same time. I'm happy because "someone" cares. I'm sad because of my sin. I'm angry at my self for sinning. And I'm confused at how I could let past sins come back and take hold of me, so now I'm having a hard time fighting it like never before. It's one of those sins you hope nobody ever ever ever ever ever finds out about. It's really hard because whenever I tried to run to God and draw closer to Him, satan, the world and sin are fighting me harder than ever before, and I can't seem to break loose. I tell myself I won't sin, then I sin. I tell myself, I'm going to read my Bible, i don't read. I pray and struggle daily to get free. Why do I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do the things I know I really should do? Please pray that God would give me the strength to fight this, and that He would bring me back to Him.